


Savage Slytherins (Texting Fic)

by Kassidee, YoutuberObsessed (Kassidee)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A slytherin group chat, And Complete Savages, Communism Made Me Do It, Draco creates a group chat, F/F, F/M, Ginny will come later, Hamilton References, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, Kallista is his older sister, LATER, Liana is Blaise's QUEEN, Liana is Harry's twin sister, Pansy is a bitch, Something Made Them Do It, Sorry Not Sorry, Texting, They're Slytherins, What Have I Done, You Have Been Warned, a lot of swearing, but Liana is bitchier, but not, chat, read it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-09 09:45:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12885234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kassidee/pseuds/Kassidee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kassidee/pseuds/YoutuberObsessed
Summary: Draco creates a group chat and adds his older sister Kallista, Harry's SLytherin twin sister Liana, Blaise, and Pansy. Chaos ensues. Here's an excerpt:Flowergirl: Potter just doesn’t want to be roasted like she was last timeBlaiseit420: no, Draco learned his lesson after that when she cursed his hair red for a weekKalmal: kid looked like a weasleyBlaiseit420: he cried like one, tooDrakethesnake: ok shut the fuck upDrakethesnake: I didn’t cryKalmal: lmao yes, you didBlaiseit420: we all saw itDrakethesnake: delete my life





	1. Snake Fight

**Author's Note:**

> USERNAMES: 
> 
> Draco Malfoy- drakethesnake  
> Kallista Malfoy- kalmal  
> Liana Potter- lia   
> Blaise Zabini- blaiseit420  
> Pansy Parkinson- flowergirl

 

**Drakethesnake created** **_Slytherin Chat_ **

**Drakethesnake added kalmal, lia, blaiseit420, flowergirl**

 

**Flowergirl:** Draco, what the fuck is this?

**Drakethesnake:** can you not read? It’s a group chat 

**Lia:** no, don’t do this to us, Draco 

**Flowergirl:** Potter just doesn’t want to be roasted like she was last time 

**Blaiseit420:** no, Draco learned his lesson after that when she cursed his hair red for a week 

**Kalmal:** kid looked like a weasley 

**Blaiseit420:** he cried like one, too 

**Drakethesnake:** ok shut the fuck up

**Drakethesnake:** I didn’t cry

**Kalmal:** lmao yes, you did 

**Blaiseit420:** we all saw it 

**Drakethesnake:** delete my life 

**Kalmal:** I’ve contemplated it once or twice 

**Drakethesnake:** thanks, sister of mine 

**Flowergirl:** who hasn’t wanted to kill Draco?

**Lia:** lol you because you have this obsessive crush on him 

**Blaiseit420:** w h a t? Oh my Merlin I did not know this, tell me m o r e 

**Lia:** she told me all about it and showed me the shrine, too 

**Flowergirl:** LIANA

**Lia:** candles and everything, it was quite endearing 

**Kalmal:** holy fuck, Pansy, you have a shrine dedicated to my brother?

**Kalmal:** that’s wild

**Drakethesnake:** w o w, i knew people were obsessed with me, but someone in my own inner circle? Yikes

**Flowergirl:** all of you are losers and i hope you die ‘

**Flowergirl:** slow, painful deaths 

**Flowergirl:** in fires 

**Lia:** that’s brutal 

**Blaiseit420:** I’m already hot enough, fire won’t hurt me

**Drakethesnake:** rt 

**Drakethesnake:** but seriously? A s hr ine? Liana, are you being honest?

**Lia:** Draco, honey, I couldn’t make this up 

**Lia:** I’m good at lying but not t h a t good 

**Lia:** also don’t take that “honey” the wrong way 

**Lia:** or the right way 

**Lia:** don’t take it any way 

**Flowergirl:** wow, maybe you have a crush on him, too, Liana 

**Drakethesnake:** it’s not like I would mind that 

**Lia:** what 

**Blaiseit420:** what

**Kalmal:** what

**Flowergirl:** WHAT

**Flowergirl:** you mind if I do, but you wouldn’t mind if she did? She isn’t even pretty 

**Lia:** ex-fucking-cuse you 

**Flowergirl:** I meant what I said 

**Drakethesnake:** I’mma grab the popcorn b r b 

**Kalmal:** same

**Flowergirl:** you think just because you survived the Dark Lord that you’re better than everyone  

**Flowergirl:** you’re not. You’re nothing but some bitch who got lucky 

**Kalmal:** you did it, pansy, you did this to yourself

**Kalmal:** I can feel it coming

**Flowergirl:** she’s too much of a lil bitch to respond to me 

**Drakethesnake:** don’t poke the bear, parkinson 

**Blaiseit420:** quit while you’re ahead, pansy 

**Kalmal:** seriously, it’s not worth it 

**Flowergirl:** i mean i’ve already won 

**Drakethesnake:** don’t be so sure 

**Blaiseit420:** she’s probably loading the gun with ammo right now, but it’s coming to you, pansy 

**Lia:** listen here you little bitch 

**Kalmal:** HERE THE FUCK IT COMES YES

**Drakethesnake:** she’s started y e s 

**Blaiseit420:** we are going to be BLESSED 

**Flowergirl:** come at me, Potter, if you’re not too wussy to do it 

**Flowergirl:** i’m ready for it 

**Drakethesnake:** you really don’t know when to stop o h m y m e r l i n 

**Flowergirl:** i’m just waiting for the bitch to say something 

**Lia:** if anyone’s wussy, it’s you, Pansy. It’s in your name. And no, I’m not better than everyone, but i am better than you 

**Flowergirl:** you were raised by fucking muggles, you aren’t even pureblood. You’re trash 

**Blaiseit420:** n o 

**Flowergirl:** nobody in this group even likes you, Liana. We just keep you around because it makes us look good 

**Blaiseit420:** not fucking true 

**Kalmal:** rt

**Drakethesnake:** I’m about to jump in 

**Flowergirl:** they’re just saying that to make you feel like you have friends but we all really hate you 

**Lia:** oh yeah, i could really feel Draco hating me when he kissed me at the Yule Ball, bitch 

**Lia:** and i could reallllly feel Kallista and Blaise hating me when they comforted me when Sirius died 

**Blaiseit420:** she is pulling out a l l the receipts 

**Blaiseit420:** i’m lovin it 

**Lia:** honestly, we just keep you around because we feel sorry for you 

**Flowergirl:** you didn’t even fucking kiss Draco, don’t lie 

**Flowergirl:** if you didn’t have me here, you would be nobody 

**Lia:** are you dumb or are you stupid? I would be nobody? I’m Liana fucking Potter, you moron. I get recognized by strangers. 

**Blaiseit420:** “are you dumb or are you stupid?” LIANA I FUCKING LOVE YOU RN 

**Flowergirl:** people only like you because you’re close with Draco, which you shouldn’t be because you aren’t worthy 

**Blaiseit420:** haha do not make him come for you too 

**Flowergirl:** like he would. He loves ME

**Drakethesnake:** Pansy, I have never loved you in my life, and I really didn’t want to get involved but I guess I’m going to have to 

**Kalmal:** you can’t mess with Liana without Draco getting on that ass 

**Lia:** ^^ damn right. Draco and I are a team, Parkinson. Now, if you ever, EVER talk to me like that again, I’ll have you shaking so badly that you’ll have a REASON to be named Parkinson, bitch 

**Lia:** the next message you send better be an apology 

**Blaiseit420:** and then you better be worshipping the ground this fucking QUEEN walks on

**Drakethesnake:** ^^^

**Kalmal:** she’s quiet af now 

**Drakethesnake:** what a shame 

**Drakethesnake:** it was getting good 

**Lia:** was it? Lmao 

**Kalmal:** y e s 

**Lia:** well, that was eventful, but I’m tired, so I’m going to bed, goodnight 

  
  
  



	2. Shoot Me In The Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drakethesnake: pansy, if you date a fucking Weasley I will
> 
> Flowergirl: what does that mean? If I date a Weasley, you’ll date a Weasley?
> 
> Kalmal: I think the fuck not, for both of you
> 
> Lia: rt

**Flowergirl:** shoot me in the head 

**Lia:** oh, but that would end your suffering and my amusement 

**Drakethesnake:** could we keep it civil this time, please? 

**Blaiseit420:** Draco Malfoy actually wants to be civil? WHAT WITCHCRAFT IS THIS? 

**Flowergirl:** i guess we’re trying something new after last night 

**Kalmal:** yeah, that was a mess

**Lia:** as fun as it was, I agree. 

**Blaiseit420:** let’s talk crap about the Gryffindors. Harry looks like an idiot today 

**Flowergirl:** Granger needs to do something with her hair. It looks like you could hide things in it 

**Kalmal:** I’ve offered to help her with it, but she simply glared at me 

**Drakethesnake:** you’re my sister, of course she did 

**Kalmal:** Ginny Weasley’s looking this way 

**Lia:** You mean the one that has a massive crush on my brother? Why’s she looking over here? 

**Flowergirl:** weirdly enough, she’s looking straight at me

**Blaiseit420:** maybe she’s wondering how someone can look so bitchy all the time? 

**Drakethesnake:** the Weasleys are weird. It’s pointless to speculate when we don’t really know 

**Lia:** isn’t that precisely why people speculate? 

**Drakethesnake:** don’t look at me in that tone of voice, Liana 

**Flowergirl:** she’s still looking 

**Kalmal:** just don’t look back 

**Blaiseit420:** look at Liana’s outfit! F u c k i n g Queen 

**Flowergirl:** all us Slytherin girls wear the same outfit 

**Lia:** it looks the best on me, though 

**Kalmal:** i beg to d i f f er 

**Drakethesnake:** beg as much as you want, but it won’t make you right 

**Blaiseit420:** rt 

**Flowergirl:** okay I’m about to get up and confront her 

**Blaiseit420:** i dare you to do it or you’re lying 

**Kalmal:** no, she doesn’t need to talk to a Weasley 

**Lia:** Ginny honestly isn’t that bad, but I wonder why she’s staring 

**Drakethesnake:** Weasleys are notoriously nosy 

 

**Drakethesnake:** whoa she actually got up 

**Blaiseit420:** if she actually confronts her I’m gonna cry 

**Flowergirl:** shut up, I’m doing something 

**Kalmal:** okay so she is talking to her 

**Lia:** whoa is Ginny smiling? 

**Drakethesnake:** are they actually f l i r t i n g 

**Blaiseit420:** this is wild, I’m hyped for drama 

**Kalmal:** would pansy even go for a Weasley?

**Flowergirl:** we weren’t flirting, you dunces 

**Lia:** it looked exactly like you were flirting 

**Drakethesnake:** pansy, if you date a fucking Weasley I will 

**Flowergirl:** what does that mean? If I date a Weasley, you’ll date a Weasley? 

**Kalmal:** I think the fuck not, for both of you 

**Lia:** rt

**Blaiseit420:** Kallista and Lia are my favorite people 

**Blaiseit420:** so are you gonna fuck Ginny Weasley or not 

**Lia:** o k a y that was forward 

**Flowergirl:** no, you guys, I don’t even like Ginny 

**Drakethesnake:** you don’t have to like ‘em to fuck ‘em

**Kalmal:** tru 


	3. Lesbian Lover, My Ass

**Blaiseit420:** AFTER THE WAR I WENT BACK TO NEW YORK 

**Kalmal:** would you please stop with that damn musical 

**Lia:** yeah, blaise, you’re not even American 

**Drakethesnake:** and that’s a muggle musical ew 

**Flowergirl:** wizard musicals lowkey suck 

**Drakethesnake:** take that back or die 

**Kalmal:** just let her die 

**Flowergirl:** wow, Kallista, I feel the love 

**Lia:** i feel the hatred and I like it 

**Blaiseit420:** i feel like we may make Pansy leave us tbh 

**Flowergirl:** tbh you will 

**Kalmal:** I would say I’m sorry, but I’d be lying sooo 

**Blaiseit420:** i mean, if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen, bitchcchchchchch

**Kalmal:** i mean why are people so sensitive these days? You call them ugly or pig-nosed and they bawl like a newborn baby. It’s so sad. 

**Drakethesnake:** or you call a mudblood a mudblood and it’s unacceptable???

**Kalmal:** um, Draco, that’s because it is, you dumbfuck

**Kalmal:** i mean, please, think about liana 

**Lia:** would it be acceptable if I called draco a dick eater instead of a death eater? Although there’s not much of a difference

**Blaiseit420:** wait, aren’t you two like in love or something? What is the sudden hostility for?

**Flowergirl:** maybe it’s a good thing, you know, them finding out who each other really is before committing :) 

**Kalmal:** does pansy actually care or is she trying to manipulate the situation?? Hmmm, I’ll go with the latter

**Flowergirl:** no, I genuinely care about this relationship and I want to see if it won’t crash and burn 

**Drakethesnake:** the only thing that will crash and burn will be my friendship with you, pansy, if you keep this up. Also I’m sorry @liana

**Kalmal:** see, little girl? It’s not going to work 

**Drakethesnake:** nothing can tear Liana and me apart. 

**Drakethesnake:** weaslette is looking at you, pansy

**Drakethesnake:** ugh, not this shit again, she just went over there 

**Flowergirl:** stfu 

**Blaiseit420:** let her flirt with her lesbian lover ;) 

**Lia:** lesbian lover, my ass 

**Drakethesnake:** you want a lesbian to love your ass? I mean, I’m sure they do but not as much as i do 

**Drakethesnake:** this is the most i’ve seen pansy smile since i’ve known the sucker 

**Drakethesnake:** did weaslette just give her a piece of parchment with writing on it? Like a letter?

**Drakethesnake:** is nobody else Concerned???

**Kalmal:** oh my fuck is it a love letter?

**Flowergirl:** shut up, it’s just homework help for potions 

**Kalmal:** really, does homework help smell like fucking flowers?? Because that paper you’re holding does

**Blaiseit420:** I JUST GRABBED IT 

**Flowergirl:** fuck you give it back 

**Lia:** open it open it!!!

**Blaiseit420:** i’m not even gonna type out what this says,  you can all read it for yourselves.

**Drakethesnake:** oh m y . f . u c . k 

  
  



	4. french transfer student

**flowergirl:** That was a total violation of my privacy and you all know it!

**kalmal:** oh, suck it up, buttercup, this letter is cute 

**kalmal:** too bad that it, you know, came from a weasley 

**blaiseit420:** hey, at least it's not hermione granger :/

**lia:** hermione's sort of annoying, but at least she isn't completely naive like ginny weasley

**drakethesnake:** comparing granger and weaslette is like comparing shit and mold, they're both gross and you want nothing to do with them 

**drakethesnake:** maybe we should categorize you with those girls as well, pansy 

**kalmal:** now, draco, show some decorum. don't bring someone down when it's clear they've already hit ROCK BOTTOM.

**lia:** have you lot heard about the transfer from France? 

**flowergirl:** shut the fuck up, draco. also, that adrienne pierre girl? i've heard that she's being sorted today 

**blaiseit420:** hold on, let me add daphne, she knows everything about everyone 

_ blaiseit420 added grassybitch to Slytherin Chat _

**grassybitch:** what do you want, zabini? i'm busy as fuck 

**drakethesnake:** we want to know all that you know about the french transfer, adrienne pierre

**kalmal:** the one that's getting sorted today 

**flowergirl:** why do we even need to know this?

**grassybitch:** well, she's from paris, born to a old and noble pureblood family, perfect grades in france, and no trace of why she transferred. maybe one of you can figure that out?

**drakethesnake:** oh, sure, because we are totally the type of people who people just...trust???

**grassybitch:** you have a point. check back with me later, i'll see what i can find about her family...

_ grassybitch has left the conversation  _

**blaiseit420:** so, she's parisian! god, i love paris! maybe she'll be a useful ally 

**drakethesnake:** no, no, no, we don't let just anybody into our friend group 

**blaiseit420:** french, rich, and pureblood? does she not qualify? 

**drakethesnake:** no, because we don't know if she's like us 

**blaiseit420:** okay, yeah, you're right 

**blaiseit420:** but lia wasn't like us??? she's not rich or pureblood 

**lia:** don't come for me :/ i'll eat you 

**flowergirl:** i wonder what blaise tastes like 

**flowergirl:** fuck don't take it that way 

**kalmal:** are we talking about cannibalism in this chat??? >:(

**flowergirl:** fuck you i'm tired 

**blaiseit420:** fuck you everyone's tired

 


	5. draco bad and boujee

**blaiseit420:** pour a four, i'm droppin' muddy 

**kalmal:** not this shit again 

**blaiseit420:** outer space, kid cudi 

**lia:** blaise, not today, not ever 

**blaiseit420:** introduce me to your bitch as wifey and we know she sluttin' ;)

**flowergirl:** blaise, no

**blaiseit420:** broke a brick down, nutted butted, now that n---a duckin'

**drakethesnake:** pleasantly, what'sd've the fucketh?

**blaiseit420:** don't move too fast, i might shoot ya 

**kalmal:** so we're typing out rap lyrics now, is that what we're doing 

**blaiseit420:** D R A C O B A D A N D B O U J E E 

**lia:** i hope you know you're being a disgrace to your family, your house, and possibly the world by typing all that

**drakethesnake:** wait i've heard that song,,, isn't that by the amigos 

**lia:** HAHAHAHAHAH they're called "Migos", that's it. god, you're such a pureblood

**drakethesnake:** we can't help how we're born 

**lia:** well look at the hYpOcRIte

**drakethesnake:** rich people can be hypocrites, plz check your priv 

**lia:** eat a dick 

**blaiseit420:** oh my gah, you sweared a swear, you swearer

**drakethesnake:** AND BY THE FUCKING WAY 

_ drakethesnake changed his username to dracobadandboujee _

**dracobadandboujee:** i just feel like i have a username i can identify with now, like i'm not alone in the world anymore and i have a place where i belong and can be free

**kalmal:** stop it. get some help. 

**blaiseit420:** takes a nutcase to know a nutcase

**kalmal:** takes my knee to know your nutSACK if you don't shut your bitch ass mouth, zabini 

**lia:** i just feel like this chatroom is just so open and friendly and loving and we all have a lot of laughs 

**dracobadandboujee:** fuck off jane-

**lia:** YOU WERE ABOUT TO QUOTE A MUGGLE VINE HAHAHAH THE PUREBLOOD ISN'T SO PURE AFTER ALL~

**dracobadandboujee:** leave 

**lia:** really? :(

**dracobadandboujee:** does this handsome face look like i'm joking?

**lia:** i thought you were bae. turns out you're just fam. :(

**dracobadandboujee:** liana potter if you don't sHUT UP

**kalmal:** we all deviate from our pureblood ways into muggle territory 

**dracobradandboujee:** oh, do we all? even the model pureblood kali malfoy? by merlin's beard, i must know MORE

**kalmal:** i use,,,tinder 

**dracobadandboujee:** okay even if we were muggles you would now no longer be related to me if i had the choice. 

**lia:** tag draco as a vine you guys 

**flowergirl:** i don't know what the fuck those are, no thanks 

**blaiseit420:** "miss keisha, MISS KEISHA, oh my  fucking god she fucking dead"

**kalmal:** 'what the fuck, RICHARD?'

**lia:** "FUCK YA CHICKEN STRIPS"

**dracobadandboujee:** kali why are you playing one direction 

**kalmal:** it's mood music 

**dracobadandboujee:** what is your mood, "basic bitch"?

**lia:** flips table 

**kalmal:** listen here BITCH 

**dracobadandboujee:** you couldn't make me listen if my name was linda 

**lia:** draco stays with them vine references because he's unoriginal

**dracobadandboujee:** is it unoriginal if i try to kill you 

**lia:** WTF YES AHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH 

**dracobadandboujee:** wtf what hasn't anyone done 

**kalmal:** well, being a ferret is pretty original 

**blaiseit420:** but it's not??? ferrets do it better 

**lia:** lmao i can't handle you lot, goodbye 


	6. communism

**dracobadandboujee:** FUCK POTTER 

**lia:** the handsome fuck did i do 

**dracobadandboujee:** I MEANT YOUR BROTHER 

**lia:** you wanna fuck my brother? i feel so betrayed 

**dracobadandboujee:** fucking merlin, are you high 

**lia:** OH WE'RE FUCKING MERLIN HIMSELF NOW ARE WE 

**blaiseit420:** i'm howling i'm just i can't sifsfjesfjsie

**flowergirl:** what did H A R R Y P O T T E R do?

**dracobadandboujee:** he actually wasn't giving me as hard a time as his sISTER IS

**lia:** well at least i'm not fUCKING MERLIN

**dracobadandboujee:** I'M NOT GAY BUT A MILLION DOLLARS IS A MILLION DOLLARS I'LL NEVER USE BECAUSE USD HAS NO VALUE IN THE WIZARDING WORLD

**blaiseit420:** you ever just wanna get drunk and

**dracobadandboujee:** yes

**blaiseit420:** i didn't finish

**dracobadandboujee:** whatever you were going to finish with, yes

**blaiseit420:** what if I said "throw liana in a vat of acid"

**lia:** why a vat? why not go the extra mile and throw me in a whole built-in swimming pool of acid?

**flowergirl:** i favor this idea

**lia:** you would, wouldn't you, pansy?

**flowergirl:** oh yes

**blaiseit420:** do you ever just want to sleep?

**lia:** when i'm tired, yes

**dracobadandboujee:** well, that's reasonable.

**flowergirl:** what if i wanna sleep when i'm not tired

**lia:** that's just bc ur lazy panzee

**flowergirl:** well that's accurate 

  
  


**dracobadandboujee:** no.

**lia:** amen, sir

**flowergirl:** liana felt that

**lia:** i did, in my bones

**kalmal:** i felt it in my boner

**dracobadandboujee:** how???

**blaiseit420:** i find it better not to ask

**kalmal:** i am a woman so capable of everything that i can have a boner

**dracobadandboujee:** wow if this were regular muggle school, that would be my senior quote

**lia:** but you're a male, draco

**dracobadandboujee:** no, i'm not 

**flowergirl:** he screams like a girl though 

**blaiseit420:** this is true 

**dracobadandboujee:** i do not 

**lia:** well, you sure don't scream like a man

**blaiseit420:** that's because actual men don't scream

**kalmal:** what is an actual men? are men even real?

**flowergirl:** no, they're a marketing technique. capitalism, dude

**dracobadandboujee:** pansy, you're stupid. it was obviously the communists.

**lia:** the fucking communists! of course they'd invent something like men

**blaiseit420:** LMAO i can't with all of you 

**dracobadandboujee:** join us in our rise against communism, blaise 

**blaiseit420:** consider this: no.

**kalmal:** but blaaaaise

**blaiseit420:** no

**flowergirl:** BlAAAAAAIse

**blaiseit420:** no 

**lia:** blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaQAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**blaseit420:** nO

 

**dracobadandboujee:** fine, don't come crying to me when communism fucks you 

**blaiseit420:** who says communism hasn't already fucked me? ;)

**lia:** wow i hope it bought you a drink first 

**flowergirl:** it bought us all a drink - it's communism

**kalmal:** are we seriously talking about having sex with an iDEA

**dracobadandboujee:** before you go on, kali, i want you to stop and ask yourself: is this really surprising?

**kalmal:** actually, it's not 

**dracobadandboujee:** see?

**blaiseit420:** i n t r o s p e c t i o n 

**lia:** look inside yourself 

**flowergirl:** x-rays help 

**lia:** pansy, no 

**dracobadandboujee:** oof 

**blaiseit420:** i'm 


	7. streets of parents

**blaiseit420:** so there's someone i would like to introduce you all to

_ blaiseit420 added voulezvous to Savage Slytherins  _

**voulezvous:** bonjour. i'm your new slytherin student 

**flowergirl:** another person?? really?? 

**lia:** What's the matter, pansy? Feeling threatened?

**flowergirl:** i feel threatened by your face bc it scares me 

**lia:** i'm glad my face scares you, then there's less of a chance that you'll ever come near me 

**flowergirl:** i wouldn't come near you even if you were the last person on earth that could give me shelter if we were all dying 

**flowergirl:** wait, that didn't make grammatical sense- 

**lia:** look at u being a cute lil failure awww

**voulezvous:** i ship it 

**flowergirl:** ew!!! sweetie please don't ship me with her dumb ass

**blaiseit420:** well, you ARE a lesbian 

**dracobadandboujee:** pansy if u steal my girl i'm probably not going to let u live 

**voulezvous:** you're wild

**dracobadandboujee:** thank u 

**dracobadandboujee:** ok so i just listened to the wicked soundtrack and "for good" is in my head help i shouldn't feel emotion 

**flowergirl:** especially not over something stupid like musicals 

**lia:** your life must be very dull without musicals 

**kalmal:** i'm crying bc of musicals 

**blaiseit420:** i'm crying bc xxxtentacion died 

**blaiseit420:** he was only 20 i mean he was hardcore and did some awful things but he was just a boy wtf 

**flowergirl:** if you're a rapper, you're gonna get shot, deal with it blaise 

**dracobadandboujee:** pansy quit being a heartless bitch 

**lia:** you're just telling pansy to quit being pansy. blasie, go on and ignore her 

**dracobadandboujee:** liana ur a legend i stan just letting u know 

**lia:** thanks but i don't need ur stabbing 

**kalmal:** stabbing

**blaiseit420:** wow why are we going around stabbing people now 

**voulezvous** : I used to go around stabbing people all the time in France 

**flowergirl:** I'm scared 

**voulezvous:** the streets of parents are very rough ok 

**lia:** i somehow believe that 

**blaiseit420:** the streets of parents 

**dracobadandboujee:** wtf are the streets of parents 

**kalmal:** draco are you fucking dumb they're streets made of parents 

**lia:** that's fucking wild tho 

**blaiseit420:** you're fucking wild tho 

**blaiseit420:** y'all wanna know what liana did 

**flowergirl:** what 

**blaiseit420:** she yelled out in the middle of hogsmeade "I WILL BLOW YOUR MINDS AND YOUR DICKS" 

**dracobadandboujee:** i don't approve of this behavior 

**lia:** luckily enough for me i don't give a damn 

**blaiseit420:** ooo 

**kalmal:** mood

**voulezvous:** i meant the streets of Paris

**flowergirl:** how the fuck do you get that confused 

**lia:** don't be fucking rude 

**flowergirl:** can i fuck ginny instead 

**blaiseit420:** I'm crying holy shit 

**voulezvous:** you all curse a lot

**flowergirl:** Avada kedavra at myself 

**lia:** that spell doesn't work over text, dumbass 

**flowergirl:** we can see if it will work on you now if you want 

**dracobadandboujee:** no death threats perky pantaloons

**kalmal:** did you just call her perky pantaloons 

**dracobadandboujee:** idk did it look like i did 

**kalmal:** no 

**dracobadandboujee:** get fuckt 

**lia:** r u telling ur sister to get laid

**dracobadandboujee:** she stays acting like she needs to

**kalmal:** heard you talking shit u whore 

**dracobadandboujee:** yeah what are you gonna do about it 

**kalmal:** spread a rumour about you tf 

**lia:** i want to help plan this rumour 

**kalmal:** bet 

**kalmal:** i'll pm you with embarassing things about him 

**flowergirl:** wow you two are awful people 

**lia:** hello, pot, i'm kettle and we're both black

**lia:** wait 

**lia:** sorry blaise

**flowergirl:** lmao 

**lia:** shut your dicksucker

**blaiseit420:** i don't even care man 

**blaiseit420:** this cocaine is so white i don't even know if i'm black 

**lia:** omg i'm done with you 

**blaiseit420:** i'm your favourite, you'll never be done with me lmao

**lia:** who says you're my favourite?  you a hoe

**blaiseit420:** then I'm your favourite hoe tf

**flowergirl:** Draco is her favourite hoe

**dracobadandboujee:** heard you talking mad shit over here 

**dracobadandboujee:** m a d s h I t 

**lia:** why did I imagine you falling from the sky into the middle of our friend group screaming "Mad Shit" 

**kalmal:** he's so extra he'd probably make that happen 

**lia:** rkdjkdjeeosjdidjdnjdbdjdnd 

**blaiseit420:** he made it happen 

**blaiseit420:** this boi really be that extra 

**dracobadandboujee:** that's why you don't underestimate a Malfoy, dad 

**flowergirl:** draco we don't just call people dad 

**kalmal:** especially since father would be big insulted 

**blaiseit420:** we all gotta think about how daddy lucius would feel 

**lia:** literally never call him that again boo 

**lia:** _ boo _

**voulezvous:** i thought draco was your beau??

**dracobadandboujee:** they don't think it beau like it is but it do 

**lia:** he is 

**blaiseit420:** you all better come to the game tonight, it's snek szn

**kalmal:** yas bitsh 

**lia:** "bitsh" 

**kalmal:** BITSH


	8. where the fuck is my bagel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liana wants a bagel

**kalmal:** simply having a wonderful Christmas time 

**lia:** nice time to kms

**voulezvous:** let's do it together

**flowergirl:** how romantic 

**lia:** in the spirit of Christmas, no

**dracobadandboujee:** she's already got plans to kill herself with me so

**lia:** oh yeah that's a thing

**voulezvous:** why is draco always either crying or making fun of someone 

**dracobadandboujee:** i have money and depression 

**flowergirl:** that's a mood

**flowergirl:** i can't believe we lost the match 

**blaiseit420:** it was not snek szn 

**kalmal:** it's my 7th year of hell and i have never been more disappointed 

**lia:** ok me but 6th and because of draco 

**blaiseit420:** ooo draco she's taking shots

**flowergirl:** ooo

**blaiseit420:** better tell that BITCH who she playin with 

**voulezvous:** ooo

**kalmal:** let that HOE KNOW 

**blaiseit420:** he in love with that COCO

**lia:** draco is cocaine 

**dracobadandboujee:** dracocaine 

**lia:** BITCH U GUESSED IT 

**blaiseit420:** you was right 

**lia:** so a bitch isn't going home for the holidays, what's the plans for yas 

**flowergirl:** another year I'm hiding the fact im a lesbian 

**kalmal:** another year I'm hiding the fact I'm dating a black guy 

**dracobadandboujee:** WHAT BLACK GUY 

**flowergirl:** definitely not blaise

**voulezvous:** i caught them making out once 

**kalmal:** adrienne 

**dracobadandboujee:** WHAT THE FUCK

**dracobadandboujee:** i thought he was gay!! 

**blaiseit420:** I don't know whether or not to be offended 

**flowergirl:** fr thought that too

**voulezvous:** kallista, not to offend or anything but you could do better than this Italian creep

**lia:** a bitch really read that as  _ crepe _ I'm hungry Draco go get me a bagel 

**dracobadandboujee:** um do i look like a house elf

**blaiseit420:** you wanna know the truth on that one? 

**blaiseit420:** ow he's pinchy today

**kalmal:** that Italian creep is my favorite creep thank you 

**voulezvous:** whatever you prefer mon amie

**flowergirl:** liana && kallista since she's dissing blaise can we run up on her 

**dracobadandboujee:** we gotta run up on potter first 

**kalmal:** she wasn't asking ur opinion lucius 

**blaiseit420:** i wanna run up on adri,, sorry girl u still got mad style tho

**kalmal:** she really does like I'm mad about it 

**lia:** you know what I'm mad about? Draco Malfoy 

**kalmal:** me for the last 16 years 

**dracobadandboujee:** i came out here to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now 

**lia:** guys type "Harry Potter" and do predictive text

**lia:** harry potter is so pretty ok after a while and he's been so busy building-- since you're so busy and he's got the most beautiful mommy 

**lia:** lily evans potter was a fox ngl 

**voulezvous:** harry potter was born in Mexico in my hometown in my country and I can get to work there and he said he would be the first person 

**kalmal:** too busy singing Christmas songs for your bs 

**blaiseit420:** mood 

**dracobadandboujee:** get that muggle shit out of my handsome face 

**lia:** draco handbangs to cardi b

**blaiseit420:** handbangs bitch I'm dead 

**voulezvous:** i would handbang to cardi b too 

**lia:** leave a bitch alone eh 

**dracobadandboujee:** nah since i apparently handbang to cardi b you don't get anything tonight 

**kalmal** : I am not positive cardi isnt a witch 

**blaiseit420:** baby we know shes a witch 

**lia:** tag draco as cardi b lyrics 

**flowergirl:** "it's that collard greens, cornbread, neckbone, back fat...get it from my mama and you don't know where your daddy at" 

**blaiseit420:** "stupid hoe. Unimportant. Unattractive. Unemployed." 

**kalmal:** "feel like I'm on stilts on these hoes" 

**voulezvous:** "cold ass bitch, i give broads chills" 

**blaiseit420:** i wanna scream nicki Minaj from the autonomy tower 

**lia:** fuckin-  autonomy tower 

**dracobadandboujee:** automotive tower 

**kalmal:** automobile tower

**flowergirl:** abortion tower 

**lia:** _ NO _

**voulezvous:** dieu 

**lia:** _ No Abortion Tower  _

**dracobadandboujee:** _ we hear you potter  _

**lia:** we on that last name bs

**dracobadandboujee:** you needed it, ur ego was growing too much being a potter and not being bullied by me 

**lia:** _ bitch try me  _

**dracobadandboujee:** so you can see kids, liana grace potter is on some other shit today 

**lia:** hell yeah 

**flowergirl:** is there anyone normal in here i can talk to about my lesbo issues 

**kalmal:** _ sips tea  _ girl I'm ready 

**flowergirl:** what if Ginny ends up hating me 

**dracobadandboujee:** oh honey of course she will, it's just a matter of when 

**flowergirl:** hate u 

**dracobadandboujee:** :) 

**lia:** where the FUCK is my bagel 

* * *

 


End file.
